“Let’s Discuss Dialogue Mechanics,” She Shouted Gleefully!

If you’ve read past my title, it’s probably to find out if I know what dialogue mechanics are and how dialogue should look. I do. But as a freelance editor, the mechanics of punctuating around dialogue, not to mention our choice of tags, is often a minefield. Even the best writers out there can stumble when it comes to how to format and punctuate dialogue and how to choose and use tags. Let’s go through it, step by step.

There are three types of dialogue you can use in your scenes. The first is indirect dialogue. This is when the narrator tells the reader what is said by the characters, but we don’t hear them say it. 

Here’s an example:

“I’m starved.” Jane rubbed her belly and groaned. “What’s the delay?”

The butler, wiping sweat from his forehead, announced that dinner was served.

"Finally!" Jane said.


The indirect dialogue here is from the butler. The narrator of the story has chosen (for some purpose) to not let us hear the butler actually say the words. This is neither right nor wrong; it is purely a writer’s choice. My only editorial complaint here would be that the point-of-view is not as clear as it could be. Whose feelings and perspective are important in this passage? We can add an action beat to clear it up:

I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned. "What's the delay?"

The butler, wiping sweat from his forehead, announced that dinner was served.

After only a moment of wonderment at the butler's disheveled appearance, Jane leapt off the horsehair sofa. "Finally!" she said.


Now we know that we are in Jane's point-of-view.

Obviously, from these examples, we can discern that if indirect dialogue, like indirect quotes, happens when the reader is told what is said, then direct dialogue, like direct quotes, is when we hear and see our character speaking. The quotation marks tell us that the words within them are exactly what is said. Jane tells us she is hungry, and she shows us, too. She also shows her agitation through her question and her comment after the butler comes announces dinner.

The third type of dialogue is not dialogue but interior monologue. Used strategically, interior monologue can add context to your scenes that might not reveal itself otherwise. 

Here's an example using our same scene, but from the butler's perspective:

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned. "What's the delay?"

Tuffington, the butler for the Simmons family for fifty long years, rolled his eyes. Jane was always hungry. He'd caught her sneaking cookies out of the kitchen just a half-hour ago. You'd think the child never eats a decent meal the way she constantly announces her hunger. Starved, my butt. 

The cook waved her arm from the kitchen doorway, her signal that the food was on the table. Tuffington stepped into the parlor. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Dinner is served," he said.

"Finally!" Jane said. She leapt off the horsehair sofa.

Yes, finally! Tuffington followed the child into the dining room and pulled her chair out. His duties were done for an hour, and he could now take a much-needed smoke break.

That brings us to dialogue tags and how to punctuate before, after, and around them. What is a dialogue tag? It's an attribution that tells your reader who is saying what, especially when it is not clear otherwise. The preferred tag is almost always the word said; said is invisible to most readers’ eyes. Writing coaches and editors will tell you that you can show how your character is feeling by their actions. Let's look at our examples again:

• "I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned. "What's the delay?" No dialogue tag needed. Jane rubs her belly. Her groan indicates both her hunger and her impatience or irritation. Why not use groan as the dialogue tag, then?
• "I'm starved," Jane groaned and rubbed her belly. "What's the delay?" The comma after starved and inside the quotation marks indicates a dialogue tag is following. The problem here is that we don't really groan words. Nor do we grimace, chuckle, hiss, frown, or spit words. The second example has an easy fix, however: dispense entirely with the dialogue tag. To do this, replace the comma with a period, then turn the attribution into an action beat: "I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned. "What's the delay?"

You may be saying that we can shout, whisper, and ask. Yes, we can, but as with most dialogue tags, use these sparingly and only when it is totally necessary to let the reader know what is happening. Here's an example: "I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. "What's the delay?" she asked Tuffington.

Here we see Jane waiting for dinner in a parlor full of adults. She asks Tuffington about dinner because he's the one in the know about what is happening in the kitchen, and because the narrator wants us to know that Jane knows who to ask.

What if you want to indicate Jane's attitude toward Tuffington? Maybe she resents him because he's always catching her sneaking food from the kitchen. Will a good adverb (a word that modifies a verb) work? Perhaps. Let's look at two examples.

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. "What's the delay?" she asked haughtily and pointed at Tuffington.

This is tricky. It feels more like an explanation than an attitude we can see. Let's rework the scene without the -ly adverb:

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. "What's the delay?" She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders, just as she'd seen her grandmother the duchess do, and pointed at Tuffington. "Go find out." Then as if it were an afterthought, she added, "Please." 


Here we can see Jane's haughty little attitude toward Tuffington. No need for the adverb to explain the dialogue. So, when might an -ly adverb work? They can work with our trusty tag said. If the butler mumbles under his breath, and Jane asks what he's saying, you might add the word clearly after said.

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. "What's the delay?" She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders, just as she'd seen her grandmother the duchess do, and pointed at Tuffington. "Go find out." Then as if it were an afterthought, she added, "Please." 

Tuffington mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like brat as he turned to leave the room.

Jane stood up. "What?" She took two steps toward the man and clenched her little fists behind her back.

"Right away," Tuffington said clearly, enunciating each word with polite force.


Why not just have Tuffington enunciate forcefully? He's saying the words; enunciating with polite force is how he's saying the words. 

Back to punctuation. Use a comma after the direct quote, inside the quotation marks, before a dialogue tag. Or, use a comma after the dialogue tag and before the direct quote:

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. She faced Tuffington and asked, "What's the delay?" 

Tuffington stepped fully into the parlor. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Dinner is served," he said.


Use a period after your dialogue if you are preceding it or following it with an action beat:

"I'm starved." Jane rubbed her belly and groaned, which made the grown-ups in the room laugh. She faced Tuffington. "What's the delay?" 

Tuffington stepped into the parlor. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Dinner is served."

After only a moment of wonderment about the butler's disheveled appearance, Jane leapt off the horsehair sofa. "Finally!"


We don't really need dialogue tags in these examples since it is clear who is speaking. Remember to let the scene's action show the reader what is happening. In the words of the authors of one of my favorite editing books, please, whenever possible, "R.U.E." Renni Browne and Dave King, in their seminal book Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: How to Edit Yourself into Print, explain "R.U.E." as "resist the urge to explain." This is especially true of dialogue.

In this final installment of "Punctuation Matters," I want to offer a smallish discussion on two types of sentences that can be hideous errors or stylistic choices: the run-on sentence and the fragment. What are they? How can we use them?

A run-on sentence is also called a fused sentence, and it consists of two or more independent clauses that are run together without a conjunction or any punctuation. (Independent clause = complete sentence = subject + verb.) I tell my students that if after I read their sentence aloud, I need a defibrillator to recover, they may have a run-on sentence. Here are some good (but bad) examples (warning: don't read aloud without taking in a deep breath first):

In today's society where we're all obsessed with celebrities it is no surprise that more people know who the Kardashians are than know who their senators are it's a shame but it is what it is what are we going to do maybe the senators need to hire publicists.

We as humans know that we should be more proactive about the world around us the reason there are problems with the climate and animals and today's society is because we're all so unaware.


There are a lot of other problems besides the fact that these are run-on sentences, but we'll stick with that issue for now. These need editing, STAT:

Today, when we're all obsessed with celebrities, it is no surprise that more people know who the Kardashians are than know the names of their senators. It's a shame, but it is what it is. Maybe our senators need to hire publicists. Or the Kardashians.

We know that we should be more proactive about the world around us. There are problems with pollution and the extinction of certain animals because we're all so unaware. So willfully ignorant.


You'll notice that I broke up our long, fused sentences, removing cliché phrases and adding commas and conjunctions when appropriate. But what about those incomplete sentences at the end?

Those are sentence fragments, which can be mistakes or used purposefully. A sentence fragment is usually missing a subject (the actor), missing a verb (the action), missing a part of a verb (a verb tense missing its helper), is not attached to an independent clause, or simply does not make sense within the context of the paragraph it is in. 

Here are some bad frags (in italics):

• I always go to Kroger. Which is down the street from my house. (What is? Missing subject. Connect with a comma after Kroger.)
• That he knew her. (What? Who is acting? This doesn't make sense.)
• We should ask him since he never been to our parties. (Missing verb part: since he never has been.)
• When we got on the horses. We adjusted our stirrups. (Dependent clause not connected to an independent clause. Add a comma after the introductory clause.)
• No pools near my home. (Missing verb: No pools are near my home.)

So, what about my intentional fragments? In the first example, I've added "Or the Kardashians," as a tongue-in-cheek way of acknowledging that the Kardashians are masters of the media and could teach our senators a thing or two. No need to reiterate the first part of the sentence before it.

In the second example, I’ve added "So willfully ignorant" to emphasize that our lack of awareness goes beyond simply not knowing; we don't know because we don't want to know.

Before writing, all stories were passed around orally; storytellers used hand gestures and voice inflections to indicate emotion, action, time, and emphasis. With the advent of writing and reading, the words alone have to carry the weight of conveying emotion, action, time, and emphasis. We don't have a storyteller around to act the story out for us. We have punctuation. It hasn't gone away, and while some rules have been relaxed (Oxford comma, anyone?), it is still vitally important to properly punctuate our writing. As I tell my students, "Punctuation is what tells the reader's eyes and mind how to hear what is on the page." Without proper punctuation, your story and its meaning may become garbled to the reader—or lost completely.


Witty banter is Candie Moonshower's favorite aspect of a romance novel. It is also the basis of her thirty happy years of marriage with her handsome Hubcap. She enjoys using her wits to teach her students how to write well and to introduce them to reading romances, which she does in the class she designed and passed through committees (with much laughter), a survey of the modern romance genre.